Randomination

keep it real! I'm front'n
Yasmin II
Yasmin
Ikmal Edris
Kit
war
Wira
Sabree
jumpingJane
Armand
Guo
Amad Eimang
Raj
Abby
Ted
Ina
Nadia
Caryn
Hati Batu
Izwan Azrul
Haider
Gidong
© 2008 gdjock@yahoo.com
Saturday, May 17, 2008
creep

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She's run, run, run, running out

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

*I appreciate if you don't read this*

You know when the last time I really cried? It was 2003, during my semester break where I stayed with my widowed grandma. It was night and we were ready to go to sleep. I waited until she was about to sleep, and told her that I will return to my home tomorrow, that dad will fetch me up the next day. I was hoping that she's tired and didn't have to think much about it. I laid on the futon spread in front of the tv and suddenly that fragile voice broke the silence.

She said that I was just there and now I'm gone again. Her voice was trembling, but she always does sounds like that. I couldn't bring myself to look at her face but I know she was smiling. She always smiles. Her teeth are perfect. I glued my eyes to the tv as my tears flowed like it never flow before. I barely saw anything trough my tears. I breathed deeply to tame my sobbings. It was hard for me to cry, but it was harder to control it. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and told her I'll come visit her again. I didn't even face her coz I'm sure I will lose it if I do.

After that I felt really relieved. I was really happy and sad at the same time. Sad that I would leave her alone again, but happy coz right there I know for sure that there's still somebody who love me and waiting for me. It was the reassurance that I yearned.

I fucked my life and now I'm paying it with every seconds of what's left of it. I was caught by the karma police and I'm chained in the rotting room, rolling on the bed of broken glass. I was given a chance but I was not there. I wasn't there.

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posted at 1:29 AM  

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Every Man For Himself

“Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears.”

~ Unknown

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

~ Maya Angelou

“The secret of Happiness is Freedom, and the secret of Freedom, Courage.”

~ Thucydides

“Everything becomes a little bit different as soon as it is spoken out loud”

~ Hermann Hesse





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