Have you ever tried so hard to be the best but the outcome didn't manifest as what you hope, it's eating you inside leaving a huge hole of voidness and blackness. I have to admit I don't have a single fiber of sports talent in my body, but it is my only one pursue of life. My dad is a sports freak, so is my mother. Both of them are the master of ther games in their heyday, and I can't figure out why I'm such a wuss. Today for the first time I saw the hate in my coach eyes when he scold me for being suck at training. It's not dissapointment, it's not for being tired, it is pure hatred. I tried to shake it off, but it haunted me to this moment. I just want to be the best, and I'm doing all that I can.
It's been ages since I care to write anything here. So these are the highlight of my life in the last couple of weeks.
I didn't return to home for the last 6 month, and it's inevitable that the nagging from mum to return home received every time I called home. So last Labour Day, I decided to come home. My usual choice of transportation is by express bus, but since the ever reliable Transnational buses was unavailable, I decided to try the train for the first time of my life. Even though my backyard is literally train railroad, I never got the chance to ride any train before so that day I give it a go. It's kinda weird boarding a train coz it's felt less inertia than boarding an LRT or bus, but it sure noisy.
I stayed at home for a day, and later I was told that my grandma misses me, so I had to return to Muar, to my birth place. Even before I arrived there, I started to feel the essence of my grandma’s house, like the smell of plantation afterburn on the gambut soil (the orang kampung don't give a fuck about global warming), the chilly night where you can really see the twinkling stars literally like diamonds (coz it was like really dark there, and the only source of light during the nights are the stars - I shit you not!), and other old skool stuff. I was greeted by my grandma who was just got back from her pineapple plantation. Apparently she just cleared the orchard (by burning nonetheless) and in the process to plant the new batch of pineapples. So the next day, as the favorite grandson, I had to help her plant those baby pineapples. Since I didn't bring any spare shirt, I have to squeeze in her farmer shirt (she is one petite woman), and get down and dirty. I was sweating like a real man should sweat *snort*, and got dehydrated pretty bad (I'm too cool to drink plain water), I had a major headache later that night. I stayed for a couple of days and then return back to my home at JB. After a few days, I boarded another train to KL.
The Azlan Shah Cup is a big deal in the Malaysian hockey world. This year the tournament was held at Ipoh instead of KL, so it's a bitch to watch it live. The best hockey team played minus some snobby European teams, and initially I didn't hope much for the Malaysian team to do well, coz other than squash and badminton, Malaysian sports arena is nothing to shout about. But, game after game, the newly improved hockey team was like...WO! And eventually the team gets into the final facing the Australians. Then I received a call from my teammate asking if I interested to join the trip to watch the finals, which I was told will be joined by the whole team, and we will board a bus, and it's free. So I confirmed my participation. On the d-day, everyone but a mere 6 people cancelled, so we have to ask the Matric hockey team to join us, which delayed the trip, where we arrived only at the second half of the game to the overcrowded Ipoh hockey stadium. Malaysian team goes down 3-1 to the Australia, which is suck. There I met Faisal, Wan and Zahar, who came by Faisal's new car. I decided to join them to KL, but before that our designated Ipoh tour guide, Farhana, took us to the most delicious and fulfilling Nasi Udang Goreng, which is basically a plateful of fried spicy prawns with some fried rice. For those who haven't tried it, the stall is situated in front of Ipoh's Bank Islam.
On the other news, I was called to play for the Staff team by Abg. Mat as the goalkeeper, and I have been training my ass off in the last few weeks. As usual I sucked, and I turned into a vengeful angry hantu after every training. For a talentless player, I'm actually good...or whatever.
To Nor if you read this, I will always love you, but I'm no good to you. You deserve someone better. I love you, I love you, I love you. If you love me please find someone else. I beg you.
It's quite a peculiar season for me this year. Not that Mancester United winning the championship was unexpected, but the way Chelsea just give away the title to us. It was like they didn't even try to catch up on us. Everytime Manchester stalled, so do Chelsea.