I am sitting in my office alone having ice cream and coffee for my break-fasting coz I don't feel like queuing for nasi ayam. Tomorrow is the last day of work, and my mind is already 200km from here. I want to be at home so bad. Fuck work.
As much as I'm happy that I'm returning home for this holiday, part of me seems reluctant to return home. Not because I love it here, but the fact that I will have to answers thousands of questions about my life I'm not proud of.
It seems like every year, I am the same person, where idyllically I want to be a growing better person. Honestly, I'm quite embarrass to present myself as I am. The stagnant condition that I am today is not what I imagined my life would be.
Sure, I can't wait to meet my whole family. Whole 50 of them. I like how the house overdosed with laughter and traditional culinary orgy, and how I drowned in the happiness around me. I can't wait to see my grandmas and those pesty cute nephews and nieces running around and tripping on each other. I can't wait to silently eaves dropping the latest gossip about certain someone and become the reluctant waiter for my great grandfather's guests. I missed the moment where the men sit around the table and choke ourselves to death with cigarette smoke and talk about manly things like cars, politic, economy and 4D numbers (while the women of course bust their ass off in the kitchen).
It is just sad to realize that one day this gathering will soon end. Every family is growing old, and one day this pilgrimage of celebration will be reduced into a legend. When that day come, all we can do is relive the sentimental moments through stories and smiles.
This hari raya I planned to do the thing I avoided for the past years. I don't care if I cry buckets, I just want to kiss those superpower hands that shower me with much more love that I could handle.
So to whoever who are celebrating this Eid Mubarak, I wish you a very peaceful celebration that filled with eternal joy and happiness. May God bless us all.
Like most Malaysian, I'm obsessed on how others viewed us, even though sometimes I just sick of this country (political drama, annoying mat rempits, sluts in tudungs, etc). Whenever a foreigner post something about Malaysia online, I will click on that and see what people think of us.
Today when I surfed the net aimlessly, I came across this webpage by a photographer who take amazing pictures. His pictures are breathtaking and mysterious at the same time. He visit Malaysia several time and captured mundane life's moment and translated it into a work of art. You can view his works here.
This just in, a member of Blink 182 (one of my fave group like, ever), Travis Barker and his partner (not in a homo way) DJ AM, involved in a plane crash just now. They are reported to be in critical condition. The other four boarded in the same plane did not survive.
Ironic, coz just now I just watched Travis and DJ AM performance in VMA '09. Creepy.
Peculiar. I have this weird things happen to me. Maybe I'm just crazy or something but I have this urges other than sexual urges which is weird.
1. I'm kinda having an alcoholic cravings eventhough I never drink. I really want to try B25, Clit Licking Cowgirl and Cock Sucking Cowboy (These names are real, I'm not even joking).
2. I really want to smoke salvia, eventhough the strongest drug I ever use is paracetamol and the dopest smoke I ever had was my father's Benson and Hedges.
3. I want to rewatch Eyes Wide Shut again. I watched it a long time ago, and I forget what the movie is all about. All I can remember is Nicole Kidman taking a shit naked.
4. Somebody told me that there's a man in bear suit giving a guy head at the end scene of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. I have to watch that again too.
Ramadhan is the month of detoxification. Physically and spiritually. It's almost 10 days into Ramadhan and I think I'm failing in the spiritually part. Ok I'll get to that part later. Anyway, before Ramadhan, I figured out that I need to have a healthy foods stacked up in my room, coz obviously I need all the energy to face the day. So I brought a bread toaster, for toasting bread obviously, and a blender for my protein shake, coz I'm damn too lazy to shake them protein. I also bought protein shake, powdered milk and sugar for, you know, the protein shake. So almost everyday, I eat and drink toasted bread and protein shake for sahur and break fast.
For your kind information, I'm kinda lactose intolerant, even though I LOVE dairy products. So it is inevitable that after an hour of consuming those milky contortion, my stomach starting to make weird sound and nasty explosive diarrhea ensured. For every meal, I will at least visit my favorite toilet stall twice. This however did not deter me from consuming those product which basically squeezed out from innocent cow tits.
I also have to give up smoke for the day, but I retaliate by transforming myself into an organic chimney in the night. I would consider myself as a were-smoker, if you would. Anyway, during the day, I'm not thinking about smoking at all. Them cigarettes are my bitch, not the other way around.
Ramadhan also suppose to be the month of prayers and good deeds. I have not face any problem at all in the evil talking department as I hardly talk to anyone. But I've been lagging behind in the worshiping area. I missed many prayers, coz I'm like hibernating all the time. Which is bad. I need to see the light.
So anyway, it's still the early period of Ramadhan, and I hope everything will change for the good. I'm not having any fun at all, and I think that's the idea of it. I do wish a happy and peaceful ramadhan to everybody. Ramadhan kareem.
p/s: I almost give up today, but I stick on the plan.
Tom Brady, the ultimate jock, was injured in Pat's first game of the season. Later, the internet was flooded with news that Brady will not be playing the whole season. Patriot going to be so suck this season. They built their strategy around Brady, and now that Brady is gone, they're so fucked.
