This must be one of those day. You know the day when you feel like a total shit and worthless. Its like a hungover, but without the fun. My head is killing me. It felt like my brain is swelling and dripping out of my ears and nose and I licked it. I am a walrus. Bohemian rhapsody. Yellow submarine. Hit me baby one more time. Quit playing games with my heart.
I was down with flu for the last three days. I ate panadol and wash it with gulps of coke (the drink, not the powder). I figured that my antibodies perhaps needed sum back up, so I took big ass sized vitamin C pills. At office, I can't do no shit, thanks to my explosive sneezes and earth shattering coughs. My aforementioned bitchy ladyboss gave me this tiny pink pills, allegedly will help me with my fever. Eventhough I suspected that it was one of her devious way to poison me, I politely gulped it down. Maybe I'm just being a twat.
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Where are we? What the hell is going on? The Dust has only just begun to fall. Crop circles in the carpet. Sinking. Feeling.
"A lightning flash: between the forest trees I have seen water." - Shiki Masaoka
Wisp. Nymph. Enigma. Vulva. Cucumber. Kumbaya.
$Hemorrhage.00
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs speak no feeling no i don't believe you you don't care a bit, you don't care a bit
Baboon: Mummy, kids at school said that I am adopted. Leopard: *Sigh* I know this day will come. Well dear, yes you are adopted. But I still love you like my own. You are still my baby. Baboon: Well, where's my real mummy? Leopard: I ate her.
*Awkward silence*
Baboon: I love you mummy. Leopard: I love you too baby.
May I present, the kid who laugh at the face of ridiculousness. Who ever use the word sardoodledom? In Malaysia, you can laugh at Anwar Ibrahim's speeches, coz he too used ridiculous words.
001. Name: Britney Jean Spears 002. Nickname: Britney, Brit, BS, Titty, The Crazy Fat Chick 003. Married: Divorced 004. Male or female: Not a girl, not yet a woman 005. High school: Musical 008. College: No, thank you 010. Short or long hair: Bald, with fake hair 015. Are you a healthy freak: yeah right 016. Height: tall-ish 017. Do you have a crush on someone: once I crushed my merc to this one cheap paparazi car. Oops I did it again! 018. Do you like yourself: I think I'm cute. 019. Piercings: ears, nose, navel, vajayjay 021. Righty or lefty: i cant write fo shit
First.. 022. Surgery: boobs implants 023. Piercing: nipple 024. Person you see in the morning: my dad, to unchain me. 025. Award: best bobbies by nickelodeon 026. Sport you join: any sports that requites splits 027. Pet: goldfish that I accidentally flushed 028. Vacation: Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere 029. Concert: mine 030. Crush: Madonna
Currently.. 049. Eat: a penis, I can't remember his name tho 050 Drink: starbucks, Gimme Moar! 052. I'm about to: fuck another random guy 058. Want kids: heck I got two 059. Want to get married: to somebody shady and total random guy less hotter than me 060. Careers in mind: acting. I'm going for the Oscars y'all 068. Lips or eyes: I did my lips last year, so I'm going to get my eyes done. My eyes looks like a sad puppy. 069. Hugs or kisses: Both and a lil' sumting sumting if you know what I mean 070. Shorter or taller: whatever, I'm promiscuous y'all 072. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous combustions is the mo I like it 074. Sensitive or loud: Awww... I like sensitive guys 075. Trouble maker or hesitant: I'm wild y'all 078. Kissed a stranger: I've done more than that 079. Drank bubbles: You name it, I've drink it 080. Lost glasses/contacts: Countless 081. Ran away from home: Which home? I got 5 of them. 082. Liked someone younger: I like my babies 083. Liked someone older: old people's like ewww... 084. Broken someone's heart: Yeah, Justin Pussy Timberlake... Cry me a river! 085. Been arrested: when I acted crazy 087. Cried when someone died: I cried when Lassie died
Do you believe in.. 089. Yourself: I am my own worst BFF 090. Miracles: Yeah, Like when people still buy my albums when they're awesomely shitty. 092. Heaven: I suppose so 093. Santa Claus: One time this santa came into my room and molested me. 095. Magics: no comment 096. Angels: duh, I am an angel.
Answer Truthfully.. 097. Is there one person you want to be right now: yeah, Donald Trump 099. Do you believe in God: OMG!!!
100.Tag 5 people: a. Paris Hilton (Please answer truthfully, I know how slut you are) b. Justin Timberlake (I know you like cocks) c. K-Fed (You are a douchebag, but your still my babbydaddy) d. Christina Aguilera (You are my favorite nemesis) e. Brad Pitt (Call me)
I , by all means, am not a fan of The Beatles, but from what I read, I can't help to hate this one legged bitch. Yeah, I know right! Thank God she got one leg! And the other leg, she stole it from a much deserving one legged land-mine victim from Cambodia.
Being healthy is an important thing in life. Everything you do, your diet, your lifestyle, your sex life will determine how long you will live and stuff. However, all work and no play make you a dull nerd. So, having an active social life is a must as well. You have to be seen in the right place and wear the right Armani.
Let say you are with your selected friends having a lazy weekend afternoon, and have no idea what the hell you should do.
May I interest you with a fun game, called Celebrity Runway. It's so fun and cool and you are so yesterday if you don't play this game or whatever. So here it goes.
Basically this game is like a relay run with pitstops where you should perform several challenges and stuff. From the starting line, on cue, the participants should run to the first pitstop.
Pitstop 1: The Amy Winehouse challenge.
Every contestant will have to wear a 5 foot beehive wig, while having their arms tattooed. Then you should snort some coke and take 5 puff of ganja and pretend that you are too cool for rehab. After that you should run to the next pit stop situated on the other side of a busy highway.
Pitstop 2: The Britney Spears Challenge.
There are 10 items you should carry between your fingers; a cup of tall grande starbucks, 2 blackberries, 1 ipod, 1 MAC lip gloss, a pocket sized dog, 1 bottle of Evian, A BigMac, a lighter and a pack of cigarette with one fag lighted up. The participants also should wear a giant bugeyed sunglasses and a ripped short jeans and a random shady arab-ish boyfriend. Bonus points will be given if you wear no underwear.
Pitstop 3: The Angelina Jolie Challenge.
You have to be really aneroxic to be in this challenge, so the fat participants are automatically disqualified. You should wear them giant sunglasses with 4 (four) toddlers on tow, preferably in different nationalities and ancestries. You have to wear your hair wavy and seductively, and the most important thing, you should wear a Brad Pitt. You have to navigate the toddlers, the Brad Pitt and yourself on a cleared Cambodia-themed field, infested with land minds. You will be disqualified if the game marshal find you using a nanny.
Pitstop 4: Tha Paris Hilton challenge.
You should get yourself safely through a crowd of paparazzis and you should strike a fierce pose with every step. On your way, you should make-out with at least 7 different guys, and bonus points will be given if you make a video. Also, you should have a bitch fight with some less hotter celebrities such as Nicole Ritchie, Shanna Moakler and Lindsay Lohan. Backstabbing doesn't count. You can attack any part of the body but not the face.
Pitstop 5: The Reality TV Hosts challenge.
First, you have to make a dramatic cocktail dress from vegetables while speaking in German accented English ala Heidi Klum. After you finished your dress, you should model it in all feriosity while acting like a ghetto hoe.Imagine Tyra Banks. And remember to 'smile with your eyes'. After that you should clap your way to the finish line like a seal ala Paula Abdul on meth. Bonus points will be rewarded for those who make blunt degrading comments to other contestants, Simon Cowell style. When you reach the finish line, you should shout, "Seacrest, OUT!!".
I'm like, a huge fan of video games. In my college years, I can stay all night long playing video games, and sleep through all class. I love playing strategy games like command & conquers, Warcraft etc. Speaking of Warcraft, I would love to develop a strategy game so badass, Halo3 looks like Mario Bros, the prehistoric version.
The game will be called, Fightasia. I know, so clever right? Its like fight but in asia. OMG I'm so genius! Basically the game is about monopolitic domination. The player can choose between two side of war. Ok now let's go to the best part, the characters.
Team 1: The Governor: The Kilos
This tribe consisted of many smaller tribes, but decided to coagulate together for some unclear reasons. They are like zombies, who blindly follows the tribe leader's orders. Extremely conservative, they love their old ways of life. But don't be deceived by their old schoolness, since they are very strong collectively. Their youngs are trained in a smaller samseng group or triads. There's only one way to defeat them, which is by throwing money their way; and with the enough amount, they will do whatever you desire.
Team 2: The Rebels: The Moonwalkers, the Rocketeers and the Eyes.
Unlike the Governor, the rebels are actually consisted of three distinctive teams. They have their own agendas, but it seems that their desire to see The Governor fall flat on their face, put them in the same page.
The Moonwalkers.
They are said to be the descendants of Moon Saint, so they thought they are special and supreme. Masked by the serene outlook, they are actually quite a terror. They are the specialist in the area of shape-shifting, mob fighting and suicide bombing. They are the brawn of this coalition. They never crotch-grab, but their moonwalk is to die for. So thriller!
The Rocketeers.
Also known as the brains and money maker of this team. They are the technology and mind manipulator specialists. They are seldom seen but their propaganda can be heard everywhere, because instead of fighting physically, they choose to do what they do best, blogging. Oh, and they are physically weak, so they travel with cute little jet pack on their back. OMG so kawaii!!
The Eyes.
They are actually have the traits of previous two groups. They shape-shift very well and they claimed to be oh so brilliant. They recruit reformed zombies and resend them to the Kilos tribe, to recruit more zombies. Their direction in life and real motive are never known, so it's stipulated that they join the rebels just for fun. Oh, and they have black eyes. The black eyed peeps is their street name. Oh My Humps!
OK i know that this is so 'old story' but I can't help but to admire this creation. Apparently this is geekily called 'kinetic art' and the kinetic sculptor is named Theo Jansen. He must be a real genius for inventing this. He said that "The walls between art and engineering exist only in our minds" which is so beautiful and so true. But then, 'the wall exists in our mind' thing should also can be applicable to other stuff like "the walls between male prostitution and astrology exist only in our mind". I know, right? I'm a genius! Anyway...
Since it was powered by wind, I imagined it must be running amok during storms. How funny is that? It's like Cloverfield: the Attack of Wooden Stick Alien. And it will have the War of the Worlds' anti-climatic ending when the wooden stick aliens are killed by the vicious termites.
I wish I could built this monstrous beast. However I will built it using metal, and powered it with V6 turbo engine or something so I can trample everyone during traffic jams badassly. My machine also will be equipped with laser beams, to vaporise anybody who dare giving the finger to me.
Now I'm at my desk pretending to be working. OMG I hate my new boss. I think she adds more negative vibe, and I just can't help but hating her. Worst thing is my desk is next to her, and I feel like she's breathing down my neck every single seconds. And I bet her breath sucks.
To eliminate the negative energies around me, I activated the happy thoughts mode. And today I would like to discuss about my TV/silver screen crush(es).
I always think that Julia Roberts is adorable. Her beautiful eyes radiates warmth and her big mouth is so... ermm.. big. She would be great if she's a puppy, it just I have to be more careful coz a puppy with big mouth is prone to choke on large objects like pillow or sofa set. I just want to reach to her and squeeze her tight. And I love when she's laughing. It feels like, when she's laughing there's no trouble in the world.
And who doesn't love Jennifer Lopez? She's like a perfect woman with booty that shakes eternally. I can imagine the ripples when I smack that junk. Thee he.
Speaking of Jennifer, I'm also digging Jennifer Garner. Although she always play that badass dyke-magnet woman, I love it when she's crying. It looks so real with the sobbings and everything. I can watch she cry all night.
Angelina Jolie captivates me ever since I watched Gia. I have a thing with big mouth, coz you know what they say with women with big lips. Her collagenful lips look ever so deliciously chewable. I don't mind her five forehead tho. And lately, a new breed of Angelina Jolie has arrived, and Megan Fox is a fine specimen. Skinny enough to fit in super tight jeans, tall enough to let me stare at her tities and deadly enough to kill me. For Megan Fox, I'll transform into a Ducati, and let her ride me all year long.
There's one woman that make me head over heels for her. I actually don't really know her name, but she's one of the dancers in Akon's "I Wanna love you" vids. The one with black elbow length top, black tight panties and ankle boots. Her hair was shiny black tamed with eyebrow length bangs that framed her strong jawed face. I don't really know why, but I really wanna love her. I guess that's love at the first sight. And she can lap dance too. My strong lap will be her stage forever and ever.
Ok that's it! I'll be someone popular/rich and I'll hunt her down.
OK although I hate to do this but I am unsettled unless I put this out there. Malaysian general election 2008 results just out and opposition party won 5 states. 5 STATES! Selangor, Kedah, Penang, Perak and Kelantan switched side to the opposition's so called Peoples' Coalition.
I feet nervous for this major change. Will the country turn out better or worse? I certainly hope for the best, but my gut says differently. I can picture massive demonstrations and bad stuff coming, coz I'm a pessimist. Only time will tell. But whatever...
This is definitely the OHSHIT moment.
Good luck coz I'm moving to Japan. *nervous chuckles*
I dunno if izzit a curse or something but all of my bosses so far were women. Um, since it is not a blessing, so I guess it's definitely a curse. While I encountered some nice lady bosses, most of them were total overtrip power driven bitches. I dunno but there must be a silent rule or testament or something that if you want to be a successful career woman, bitchiness is a must-have. While the pretty one can advance with just opening their legs, the ugly one usually have to rely on hardcore bitchiness coz when there's not much to love, then why bother at all. Thank God, they are bitchier towards their own kind (coz they were just born with it). Who let the dogs out?!
However, I agree that bitch get things done.
I got a new lady boss yesterday, and she failed in the first impression department.
I stumbled upon this clip while vid hopping at youtube. Although we are kinda in the different side, we are at the same page in humanity. Not having a father around is hard for a little kid. When I was very very young, I remembered staying up late waiting for my dad to get back from work. Of course I have to pretend to sleep coz my mum told me so. Once my dad reached home, then I slept. Maybe having my dad around give me the sense of security. That, and war sucks! Especially being a pawn for someone else's dreams.
By the way, I didn't cry watching this vid but my heart is full.
I know what to expect when I clicked the picture because: 1. The title is "X-Box X-mas Prank" 2. There's a black kid in the picture
Ok let's play 'The Notice' game: 1. Notice that the kid was like 10 years old, so when he rip the present open and notice the xbox box, he felt the luckiest kid in the world. 2. Notice that he dramatically dropped the box in disbelieve. 3. Notice that when he realized what's really in the box, his world crumbled down to the eruptuous laughs from his family. 4. Notice that his brother was the first to feel bad, and said that they couldn't afford the real xbox. Maybe they can't afford it because all the money is used to buy his fat momma's food, and camera, and hair stylist. 5. Notice that his momma is fat. 6. Notice that his momma trying to uplift the mood by uttering "Well you get the X 'box'" 7. Notice that the kid starting to cry and his brother told him to take the camera and cry. 8. Notice that the kid look at his mother in utter disappointment. 9. Notice that the fat momma couldn't bear the disappointment stare from his son. 10. Notice that the momma left the scene, probably ashamed of her tasteless joke, and probably eat her heart out to take away the pain, adding another 15 pound to her voluptuous 300 lbs frame. 11. Notice that the stupid grandfather can't stop laughing and died of stroke later that evening. 12. Notice that the kid will grow up into a serial killer/drug dealer/robber/rapper.
Your momma's so fat she could be the eighth continent.
